Over the course of the last few weeks, I have been met with a lot of adversity. I've been hit by many challenges and I have felt overwhelmed. I've made 1000 mistakes, I've yelled at my kids when it was undeserved, I've closed myself off from my friends. I have taken for granted what was going right. Just when I felt like the world could not crush me anymore, I listened to a presentation given by the genius Dewitt Jones while I was in Las Vegas. He's a photographer, and has quite a different perspective on the world. I hung on much of his presentation; so much in fact, I did not take a single note. But his words resonated with me.
On our way home, our car broke down. Knowing the financial situation that we are in at the moment, this seemed like another crushing blow. I remembered Dewitt's catchphrase, celebrate what's right with the world. Of course it did not alleviate all the stress that I felt from that situation, but I was able to be grateful for the extra time I got to spend quietly with my children, as the time in Vegas was quite chaotic, and nothing went as planned. We enjoyed a thunderstorm that passed through the area, which, anybody that knows me, knows that I desperately needed. Without that pit stop, I would still be without rain and clouds.
We were able to come home safely, where I have been met with more adversity, and more challenging situations. Even though my heart hurts so much in my growth, I once again recall his words. The old Amy would focus on all of these adversities and challenges. She would close herself off, and chalk it up to yet another reason to not trust the world and to understand that it's not a kind place. I am well versed in building walls, burning bridges, and turning out a person that people would find easy to dislike. Instead, I'm choosing to focus on what's right with the world. What I have to be grateful for, the people that love me unconditionally, regardless of my seemingly endless faults and crazy disposition. I have the best kids a girl could ask for, and amazing friends. I have a wonderful husband. I have found what I'm good at, something a lot of people never do.
I've been meaning to share my aha moment from Las Vegas for a few days. It was when I was listening to Carrie Wilkerson. She said to all of us: my life, my business, my way. I have been struggling so much to be like the leaders that have been mentoring me and cheering me on. I was frustrated because I didn't ever feel like I could be as good as them. I realized in that moment, I don't have the same personality, the same tools available, the same mindset... The same ability to look past the bad and see only the good in things. Maybe someday I will, if that is something that is important to me. I can't be sugar sweet and spicy hot at the same time. And sugar sweet is just not who I am. I certainly want to tone down how spicy I can be. But I don't want to take it all out of me. My past decisions have molded part of who I am. And I need to embrace that! There will be people that love me, and people that hate me. None of that has to do with who I am. Moving forward, I will strive to be the leader I know I can be. So I can be just like me. I will focus on earning the admiration of my children and my family and my friends. I will learn to trust them, and remember they are human. I will make them glad they stuck around to know me. I will work on doing things MY way. I am going to live life by MY standards…which, by the way, I have given myself permission to change. My business is successful because I am good at what I do. I will focus on that, and the amazing people that have put their trust in me to lead them. I will be more transparent, less defensive. More forgiving. I WILL LEARN TO LET GO. I am so excited to have discovered the road that I’m supposed to be on. It’s not going to always be a fun road. I imagine my pained heart has a lot of experiencing to do itself… but I resolve to come out just like the person I want to admire the most: ME.
